Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Alex's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 28th, 2007
4:37 pm	The latest worry Algebra final and last homework due on Friday. That's 1/3 of the total grade. And I haven't really gotten the stuff over the last couple weeks, so I've got to study hardcore. I think my understanding of the material overall isn't bad, but my grade so far is - partly cause I just don't have the circle of people to work with that it seems most of the other students do, and so my homeworks have sometimes been incomplete or not checked over. So that's got me really worried. The other thing is these strange twitches I've been having. Just randomly all over my body, but more common in a few places like my right shoulder and right calf, and my neck when I'm in front of the computer. I can recall the neck twitches starting a month ago, very rarely, but two weeks ago they started happening everywhere. There are a few reasons why people get things like that, and of course a few of them are fatal degenerative diseases like ALS so that doesn't help me - ALS is what Stephen Hawking has, and he's the person who's survived the longest with it; the usual is 3-5 years. The most common cause by far, though, is BFS, or benign fasciculation syndrome (which basically means "you've got twitches but we don't know why, but at least it doesn't look like you're going to die"). I also hear that stress can worsen or cause these twitches too. Five years ago when I was a freshman, I had twitches too, but those were more a series of vibrations, and now I have single twitches. I have been under a ton of stress lately and have had a horrible sleep schedule, just like freshman year, so I'm hoping that's just what it is. But it doesn't keep me from being worried, which isn't helping the stress either. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
7:25 pm	Things to be happy about. So it turns out that my Real Analysis professor was extremely strict in his grading. To compare: In last year's Analysis class, there were three 3.0s given, and no grades below that. In the previous few years, there has been about one 2.5 or below given every couple years. This year, over half the class was given grades below 2.5 (or below 3.0, the director of graduate studies was unclear when I asked him). On top of that, at least five - and perhaps ten or more - of the people in the class had already completed an equivalent class before. So, I don't feel quite so bad as I did when I got my grade. Still, maybe I should have stuck with Geometry instead - everyone in that class got 4.0s. Happy thing number two: I got my chocolate. It's great! I've never had chocolate like it before. Normally dark chocolate is more bitter and even a bit grainy, but this is smooth and complex. Sure, it was expensive, but I'm glad I got it. Half a bar is more than it seems. Good thing - I didn't know how much fat chocolate has! At least it's got a generous helping of antioxidants also. It took me a while to find this brand, also - Guittard is one of the few really good chocolate companies that doesn't use nuts. I'm also happy about SunButter - completely peanut/nut free, and it tastes great. It's very warming. I just got it a few days ago and I've already almost finished a jar. I also have made brown bread recently (it also tastes great) and I really like just being able to cut off a chunk and put some sunbutter on it. Very nutritious and tasty. Finally, tea. I went to Crazy Wisdom in Ann Arbor and picked up some "Fruity Russian Caravan". It smells really nice, and surprisingly fruity for a non-flavored tea. I'm excited to try it. Edit: Hah! I got that one. Upon Googling, I found it elsewhere. It is slightly flavored with lychee. Also, score one for me, for guessing that there was some Chinese tea in there. Does anyone have a favorite tea or other recommendations? I'm about to order more soon. I'm mostly looking for black and puerh, but anything's good. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 15th, 2006
1:36 pm	Oh my, YES. I made the 3.0 in Algebra! I thought I was SO SCREWED. In grad school, if you get over three grades below a 3-point, ever, you can get kicked out of the program. Now, it's not quite as bad as it seems, since for non-qual courses anything below is 3 is very rare, and even for quals most people get above a 3. But as you can tell from previous entries, this semester has been really tough for me - partially cause of the adjustment, partially cause I took a course load that is pretty heavy by any student's standards. I've managed to significantly reduce my procrastination, but it's a process. I think I'm getting to have a better handle on things now. I just came from my Analysis final. That was a toughie. He gave us an extra hour on a 2-hour exam, and still almost no one finished. That reassures me, though I wish he ended it earlier cause I don't think I picked up a lot of points on the last hour. The one significant thing I did think of was to apply the Holder inequality to attempt to show that a certain function g(x) is in the L1 space, but I didn't quite get there. Ah well. I'm not super worried about my grade - my homework and midterm performance in that class was mostly decent, and as long as you get a 3.0 or better, GPA doesn't really matter in grad school. The only things that really do are passing your quals, and I think I'm going to be able to do that when the time comes. Math, for me, takes a while to temper in my mind before I can wield it most effectively. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
2:51 am	I think I need to begin trying harder to be social. I am so very distractible. Even when I'm sitting down with my work and not getting up to check my mail or get some delicious tea, it's so hard to focus on it. My problem is that I find it very hard to get bored because there's always something to think about. I think I developed that when I was younger - the ability to get lost in thought when I'm bored. I was alone too much, or I needed to find some way to keep myself occupied when I couldn't sleep so I let my mind wander. Maybe there are more reasons. Anyways, now it's much easier to do that than to sit down with math homework. It's just so tough sometimes and my brain's like "hm, do I want to work hard at this stuff that's not so fun, or I'm a sex machine on my way to Maaaaars, like an atom bomb! I'm gonna go, go, go, there's no stoppin' mee! Hehe, on my way to Mars like an atom bomb. As if it were common practice to just nuke Mars when we feel like having a good time. That's funny! Also, if that's the case, why would a metaphorical sex machine be going there?" And so on. So, I think if I give myself more motivation - "Hey, I'm excited to hang out with these people but I can only do it if I get this done before then" - then I'll be able to focus better. I've been too isolated lately and while it's partly cause I have genuinely been busy, it's also true that most of the other students seem to be able to handle at least some semblance of a social life while carrying similar workloads. So that's one of my goals for the future - after I get finals out of the way. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
10:02 pm	What's the grad school's motto? Something about "Abandon all hope..."? So Tuesday I was working with my Combinatorics group, and also with my Algebra group. I need to pull my grade up in Algebra, but my Combinatorics group is a little tighter in terms of working together so I was trying to divide my time as well as I could. Unfortunately that meant that while Combinatorics was writing stuff up, I was in with the Algebra people trying to discuss the problems I didn't have answers to. So guess who had to stay up all night Tuesday working on writing up homework? My classmates left at 9ish, and I was in the fifth floor computer lab writing my stuff up (mostly by hand but some on the computer) until I had to teach class at 8 am, then during my next two classes and break in between I tried to finish my Combinatorics - that class doesn't start till 12:40. When it did, not even Combinatorics could keep me awake beyond the first 10 minutes. It's a small class, and my favorite professor (and advisor) teaches it, so I felt bad, but I really couldn't keep myself up. At least I remember it's on Chapter 10 and 11, and it's about BIBDs and some other stuff. All told, I had one problem on each assignment that I couldn't really get much of a coherent argument down on. This should be OK for Combinatorics, where the median score usually hovers around a 60, but in Algebra, where I need to pull my grade up most, the average is between 70 and 90 depending on the week. I don't know how people got a 90 on the one. But anyways, I need to start my stuff earlier. I'm already learning tactics to make the most of the social nature of things - like, "Work on the hardest problems first so that when you meet with other students, you will have something to contribute, rather than something most of them have done already". I seriously doubt that most people could finish the homework if they couldn't get help from others. I wonder if that's intentional. Regarding my all-nighter. my fellow math help tutor and graduate student Greg was like "I can't do that, I need at least 5 hours." Well, yeah, I would say that if I'm not already short on sleep I can get by on 4 and not be too tired to pay attention in my classes. But I don't know how people can be a grad student with a 3-class workload and not have to pull all-nighters. It just doesn't seem possible unless you are very disciplined and give almost all your free time to your work right from when the assignment is given. Anyways, I do have a couple small reasons to be happy. I got my espresso machine I ordered (Saeco Espresso Classico, new in-box for $200), and also Contact for DS. Contact seems to have some of that "Earthbound"-ish charm, and if you know me you know I hold Earthbound in a very high esteem indeed - even my cell phone ringtone is the Sound Stone's song Eight Melodies. And I miss cappucinos - I love them, but it's not such a good idea for me to get them from cafes - not only are they too expensive, but many of them have more peanut stuff around than I'm comfortable with, so if I'm at one I stick with tea (unless it's Tazo, in which case I usually don't bother!). So yes. A nice game for me and an espresso machine. It's something to keep me afloat at least. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
3:09 am	Ahh, I find this stuff way too entertaining. Japanese melodic power metal. I can't get enough of it, it cracks me the fuck up while simultaneously being pretty badass. You have these guys (who, if I were any less hetero I would be seriously doing) who aren't exactly pros at pronouncing the words they're singing, and they're busting out words like vacillate and pabulum on top of awesome and catchy music. It sticks in my head for days. Days! It doesn't hurt when it's set to an awesome animation either. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
6:53 am	Life is difficult. This is the third all-nighter I've pulled this year. One was due to me being dumb and leaving things till the last minute (which in my case is a couple of days for one assignment) but really, this is too much. This shouldn't be necessary. Why does the homework have to take so long? Can't we have assignments that don't take 15-20 hours each? I am so very tired. I don't know how the other people do it. I even question whether it would be possible to complete everything alone if I were to begin working on it the day I got it and spent 75% or so of my non-school, non-life-maintenance hours in reasonably dedicated work on it every day. As it is, I got a lot of help from others this week and I still am going to turn in an incomplete Analysis assignment (one of three due today, and the only one where the bottom two grades are dropped). Is it going to be possible for me to do anything outside of school and get my stuff done on time? Is this what the next 5 years are going to be like? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
2:00 am	2:00 am Tea The longer and more difficult my days get, and the harder I have to work, when I get home and have my cup of tea, it's that much more delicious. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 11th, 2006
8:34 pm	Dazed mathematical thoughts I feel as if I am being asked to reach into infinity and pull out a plum. I asked my combinatorics professor if he orders pizza often, and he said "Only partially". Do I have to have a "Ph.D" by my name in order to say "and this part is obvious"? When people ask me if I'm in pure or applied math, I love saying "You can apply math?" (Comment on this)
Monday, August 28th, 2006
10:17 pm	"No need to bother with superlatives, 'sire' will do." So today was a long day. Taught class 8-9, then immediately had 3 classes in a row (Algebra, Real Analysis, Geometry/Topology), followed by a fourth class (Combinatorics), that I may wind up taking if I drop one of the first three. Hung out with a couple people from class and studied, I got 2 of 9 problems done for my Analysis homework. A problem's never really a single problem, though, as most have parts a-c or something similar. The toughest thing is the notation, it's a lot of jumbled up symbols that must be coaxed and cracked before they yield their nourishing meaning. It's like peeling a hard-boiled egg. Some of them take a little concentration but come off in a few pieces; others come with enough cracks that you're going to be sitting there for quite a while removing every single piece with great care. You can't just jump in and rip it off, because if you tear even one morsel of truth off in your frustration, you've got to go back and do it perfectly. But once you're past the shell, things - at least so far - can be taken care of without too much trouble. So, after I finished all that I was trapped by the rain in Wells Hall for two hours. I ordinarily don't mind rain but I don't want to get my cell phone, books, and calculator wet so I tried to avoid it. Being hungry didn't help. The rain didn't stop. Thankfully my stuff is intact, although I missed my chance to go to ELFCO and get some of that great, allergy-labeled soup they have. Tomorrow, then.      Tomorrow I have my orientation session in the Math Learning Center. I'm supposed to be a tutor for 2 hours a week on top of my teaching duties. That'll be M/W at 3:00. I am eagerly anticipating my tea's arrival. It's been far too long, friend. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 24th, 2006
11:40 pm	In which our hero embarks upon a journey So all this week I've been at my orientation for grad school at MSU. It's mostly been teaching-focused, as I guess they figure you can get the classes on your own but half the people haven't taught or tutored so it's completely new, and a lot are foreign so it's going to be that much tougher for them. Unfortunately the professor recommended that I take 3 qual-track classes this semester. For the uninitiated: As a math Ph.D student, I have to pass three of five qualifying exams before I can continue on to the "real" part of the Ph.D program. Completing them means you have earned about the equivalent to a Master's. After that point you are much more free to take whatever topics you are interested in. The qual-track courses prepare you for the qualifying exams. They are more difficult than your average course and have more homework. The grad students that talked to us as a group today said that doing three qual-track courses at once was laughable, ridiculous, impossible. So we have a discrepancy. I am going to try and talk to another prof tomorrow and see what's really up. I have done courses in two of the three areas I'm scheduled to take courses in, and for the other I have done a related topic, so maybe that made the prof think it was an ok idea. But he seemed quite sure that three classes was the norm and that you should not even do 2 qual-track and 1 regular course, whereas the grad student said to either do only 2 qual-tracks or 1 qual-track and 2 normal classes. To top it off, my advisor (who is the one I wanted!) is sick and I probably have to meet with someone who is not in my desired field. Oh, and I have to teach College Algebra at 8am MWF and my three classes immediately follow. Hello, leaving the house at 7:20 am in November. I'm going to try to get that moved, but that can only happen if someone wants to switch, and who does? Ok, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
11:35 pm	Infinite boards in a hypothetical universe My dad and I got into a discussion the other day about the universe, limits of knowledge, and God (in whatever form you wish). I have a few questions that I'd like to take out of it, maybe you've thought of them before too. The discussion turned to an infinite object. He thought that people could not completely understand such a hypothetical object - a board with infinite extent in one dimension, for example - and I thought that people could. I used a certain mathematical trick used for understanding infinite objects - describe the object locally at any given point, and then say for any point it extends beyond that in the same fashion. This infinite board would at any point locally look like any other normal board - 4 inches deep, 2 inches high - and it would extend left and right beyond that point. I thought this was tantamount to understanding, he didn't. What do you think? Does understanding a model that sufficiently describes a concept or object equate to understanding the actual concept or object even if one can't "squeeze" the whole thing into their mind at once? I need to go for now, but I'll post the others as they come to mind. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:57 pm	You know what's sort of cool but also sort of not? (geeky post warning) Pi namedroppers, that's what. Consider the following. <sigafoo> i realized i loved my girlfriend when i said to her <sigafoo> <3 <sigafoo> and she said "<3.14159265" back... (source) This quote has a score of almost +1000 on bash.org. Yeah, I mean it's cool that people recognize that math is all right and there are some interesting numbers, but at the same time some people are just like "Pi! Hooray!" but don't actually know why it's interesting. That quote isn't particularly clever but there are a thousand people who pretend like it is just because math is geek cool. It's sort of like the nerds who think that it's funny to use the number 42 in every possible situation. It was a moderately funny joke in a pretty entertaining science fiction book, and people just run it into the ground. Maybe I am just too picky. You know what the problem is? Math has gone too mainstream. So screw that, I'm going into the field of indie music. Okay, this part is serious: Yes, another YTMND link. But it makes me think. Does anyone else "like" thinking about sad things and becoming sad? Not "like" in the truest sense, but more in the sense that oftentimes sadness is the emotion that one experiences with the most heightened senses, much as rain is the weather that one experiences with the most senses. I don't want to feel it too often, but it does feel more significant to me, sometimes. Maybe it's just a phase in my current mental state, but it's a recurrent one. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 11th, 2006
2:53 am	Don't stop me now! Dear Queen, Why do you have to be so perfect and so gay? Please get your songs out of my head. Love you, Alex Don't Stop Me Now YTMND (imperfect MP3) Princes of the Universe YTMND (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 24th, 2006
2:58 pm	To bring things back up to date... Big news, I found a place to live. It's on Burcham and Stoddard, with this really cool woman, her two kids (both around 15 years old), and two other grad students. I don't know a whole lot about the students other than that they're both girls, one is a first-year zoology student and the other is Jewish and has a boyfriend. I'll be paying 475 a month for the place, that includes internet and trash but not utilities. I could have had a place that was closer and cheaper, but it was more cramped and while the two guys that will be living there seemed pretty cool, I can tell I'll have some great stories to tell about living at this house. The lady who owns it recently lived in Malaysia, she's really into organic and stuff, she's a vegetarian, spends time at the yoga center up north, and is really caring too - she runs an online bookstore and sends the extra books to Africa to help people learn to read. She asked me if I garden and seemed pleasantly surprised when I said yes :) We talked for over an hour when I first went to see the place and I think we're both pretty eager to start this year out. Speaking of which, my garden is crazy full of tomato plants. I already planted like 6 different kinds this year, but last year squirrels and rabbits ate about a third of my crop and let the seeds drop all over. So there are tomato plants covering not only half the entire garden, but there's even one sprouting out from next to the cement deck. I haven't pulled any except a couple in a ridiculously overcrowded spot. So when they finally do produce (and yes, it's late cause my initial sprouts died and I had to replant from seed) there will be more than I know what to do with. I'd like to try making my own spaghetti sauce and pizza sauce. The other big news item is that my only serious ex, whom I have been apart from for months (completely platonic now, thanks for asking), has been hospitalized for the last few days with an infection. It's really hard to hear someone you care about over the phone screaming in pain and not being able to even bring them some soup or something that might help them. I think she's starting to feel better though and they're close to knowing what the deal is with the whole situation. But it's been hard. Today I'm hoping to hang out with a friend who always seems to get hung up by cars through no fault of her own. Hope it works out this time. I'm sorta bored, and I have been on the computer too much lately and need a change. I saw a couple silly things yesterday night and I have to share them. So a soldier accidentally dropped a bomb in a field, but it didn't blow up, and a bull came along and ate it. When he saw what had happened, the farmer said, "That's abominable." Two bears fall into the ocean, one in California, the other in Greenland. Which one dissolves first? (Highlight: The one in Greenland, becuase it's polar.) (Comment on this)
Monday, July 10th, 2006
2:19 pm	Birthday computer My birthday, yesterday, passed fairly uneventfully with the exception that I got pulled over for the first time ever. Thankfully it was just because my taillights were wonky. And I had some nice conversation online. But overall it was just a normal day. Today, though, I went up to Ypsilanti to get my computer! It only had a 40 GB hard drive, which is sorta weak, and the $20 discount he gave me on that didn't really make up for it, but it was still a good deal so I didn't complain. And as soon as I get my 320 GB hard drive I ordered, I'm going to set that bad boy up. The day brought bad news too - the third place I wanted bailed on me too. Just hours after saying I was their best candidate. I don't know if this is normal or if I'm just unlucky. So I'm back on allmsu.com looking for a place again. Sigh. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 7th, 2006
6:58 pm	Currently awaiting two important emails I'm expecting two emails soon. One will be on when I can meet with the landlord of the place in East Lansing that I want. I really want to get this place, not only because it's awesome, but because I don't want to make a whole nother trip up to East Lansing this late and have to scramble to find a place. The other will be details on where to meet up for the new computer I'm getting. It's an incredible deal for $600. The specs are as follows: -Antec TX 640B WITH SP-500 500 Watt Modular power Supply -Intel D 820 (2x2.8GHZ - 2MB Cache) CPU -Intel D945PSN Motherboard -ATI X800XL Graphic Card -2GB Corsair DDR2 533 RAM - 2 Dimms -NEC 3450 16X DVDRW DL +/- -Seagate 120GB 7200RPM Harddrive So if you're a computer jerk, you can probably see why I'm excited. I'd been wanting a computer but I couldn't put together a system like that on my own for even a couple hundred more. By coincidence, the day I'm going to go pick it up, Sunday, is my birthday. So it's sort of my present to me. Now if only I can scrape the money together for a car. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 1st, 2006
7:51 pm	Update. So it turns out things weren't as bad as they seemed. They could be much better, but I'll just leave it at that for now. So I went over to East Lansing today, and looked at a bunch of places. There was an incredible place that I found, and I let the girl know that I wanted it, but before I can be sure of it I'll have to meet the guy who lives there (Nick) and the landlord. Which likely entails yet another trip up there this Tuesday, after the weekend and when everyone is back in town. It's not only the second-nicest place I've seen (only bested by a place that's way too far out), but it's big, it's as close as any other place I've seen, it's in a great neighborhood, almost directly in the back yard there is a bus stop on a route that would take me directly to my building on campus, AND it's only 370 a month, plus utilities! There were a couple other places I saw that would do, but I am really hoping for this one to come through. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 30th, 2006
12:20 am	Video game news commentary: XBOX 360 controller MS's Peter Moore on a new, more intuitive XBOX 360 controller In yet another instance of "Hey, Nintendo's got a great idea, let's do it too"... Xbox boss Peter Moore has hinted that Microsoft could be working on a simplified game controller designed to attract new gamers who might be intimidated by traditional joypads. At a recent EA Community Event, Moore said the company is looking at "Any way that we can play and make games easier and more intuitive, that takes the intimidation factor away from what is a pretty complex device now when you look at the controller." "Shoulder buttons, triggers, analog sticks, d-pads - I mean, there's a lot going on there." Moore went on to state that the new controller will be in the form of a robotic teat that sends an electrical signal through the brain to produce pleasure and allegiance. Initial tests were positive, with only limited reports of users refusing to eat so they could remain with their precious. At release, the basic human model will be available, along with several other shapes to satisfy the "frighteningly large" percentage of testers that wanted alternate species options to satisfy their "furges". Sony is reportedly planning to release a crippled model of the robotic teat shortly following the Microsoft release, for the price of five hundred and ninety-nine US dollars. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
9:49 pm	C.S. Lewis just don't understand I'm reading through C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity - I've read through about half of it before but am doing it again by request - and it just seems to be full of awkward definitions and misinterpretations of evolutionary theory. Granted, the book was written quite a while ago, before a lot of modern insights into altruism, but it just seems like it's really not worth the exalted position it holds. I'll comment more when I can give a more precise statement on it. For some reason, I'm unusually tired today. I hope I'm not coming down with something; I have to go to East Lansing again this weekend (probably Saturday, perhaps Friday) to look for a place because the house I was going to take a room in decided at the last minute they wanted a girl. Sucks! Oh well, maybe I can find something fun to do up there. Addendum: Do the LJ smilies suck or what? There's nothing decent there. Maybe growing up with SNES games has spoiled me, but for all the pixel artists on LJ, you'd think they could come up with something better! Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)